ROCKVILLE, MD—Explaining that most young people mistakenly believe the popular drug to be safe for recreational use, officials from the National Institute on Drug Abuse unveiled a new anti-MDMA campaign Friday warning teens about the dangers of feeling deep emotional connections to others. “Too many of our nation’s children don’t realize that even a single dose of MDMA—or Molly, as it’s known—has the devastating potential to make users feel like they’re part of one big human family, connected to all those around them by a single cosmic thread,” said NIDA spokesperson June Kessler, who noted that 13- to 18-year-olds were especially at risk of succumbing to a profound warmth and admiration toward their peers that knows no bounds. “Teens need to know this isn’t just a benign party drug; it comes with serious consequences, and it can and will cause users to see the world from the eyes of the people standing next to them and, within minutes, realize they love them that much more for it. The only way to avoid these disastrous side effects is to stay away from Molly altogether.” Kessler added that if a sudden rush of empathy wasn’t scary enough, MDMA has also been known to cause things to look, taste, and feel exponentially better.
The fact that I am considered an adult is both terrifying and hillarious