Post by cjm on Sept 2, 2014 19:22:02 GMT
Nothing like getting even!
THE BLOND
MAN HAS FINALLY ARRIVED
A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: " " Did you find the shampoo? " "
He answers, " " Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine. " "
------------------------------
A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
" " I think it's got epilepsy, " " he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, " " It seems calm enough to me. " "
The blonde man says, " " Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet. " "
------------------------------------
A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope " " DO NOT BEND " " .
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------------------------------
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, " " My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart! " "
" " Is this her first child? " " asks the Doctor.
" " No! " " he shouts, " " this is her husband! " "
------------------------------------
A blond man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve
to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, " " That's your air freshener swinging about! " "
------------------------------------
A blond man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says " " Why don't you
put an ad in the paper? " "
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
" " What did you put in the paper? " " his wife asks.
" " Here boy! " " he replies.
------------------------------------
A blond man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
" " Just WHAT are you doing? " " he asks.
" " Hanging myself, " " the blonde replies.
" " The rope should be around your neck " " says the guard.
" " I tried that, " " he replies, " " but then I couldn't breathe. " "
------------------------------------
(This one
actually makes sense.)
An Italian tourist asks a blond man: " " Why do scuba divers always fall
backwards off their boats? " " To which the blonde man replies: " " If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat. " "
--------------------------------------
A friend told the blond man: " " Christmas is on a Friday this year. " "
The blonde man then said, " " Let's hope it's not the 13th. " "
------------------------------------
Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a
police station.
One asked: " " What if one explodes before we get there? " "
The other says: " " We'll lie and say we only found two. " "
------------------------------------
A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: " " Close your curtains the
next time you & & your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday. " "
To which the blond man replied: " " Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday
THE BLOND
MAN HAS FINALLY ARRIVED
A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: " " Did you find the shampoo? " "
He answers, " " Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine. " "
------------------------------
A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
" " I think it's got epilepsy, " " he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, " " It seems calm enough to me. " "
The blonde man says, " " Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet. " "
------------------------------------
A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope " " DO NOT BEND " " .
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------------------------------
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, " " My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart! " "
" " Is this her first child? " " asks the Doctor.
" " No! " " he shouts, " " this is her husband! " "
------------------------------------
A blond man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve
to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, " " That's your air freshener swinging about! " "
------------------------------------
A blond man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says " " Why don't you
put an ad in the paper? " "
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
" " What did you put in the paper? " " his wife asks.
" " Here boy! " " he replies.
------------------------------------
A blond man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
" " Just WHAT are you doing? " " he asks.
" " Hanging myself, " " the blonde replies.
" " The rope should be around your neck " " says the guard.
" " I tried that, " " he replies, " " but then I couldn't breathe. " "
------------------------------------
(This one
actually makes sense.)
An Italian tourist asks a blond man: " " Why do scuba divers always fall
backwards off their boats? " " To which the blonde man replies: " " If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat. " "
--------------------------------------
A friend told the blond man: " " Christmas is on a Friday this year. " "
The blonde man then said, " " Let's hope it's not the 13th. " "
------------------------------------
Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a
police station.
One asked: " " What if one explodes before we get there? " "
The other says: " " We'll lie and say we only found two. " "
------------------------------------
A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: " " Close your curtains the
next time you & & your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday. " "
To which the blond man replied: " " Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday